As the rain pours outside, the splashing of the large raindrops into the massive puddles that have formed outside my window are both relaxing and comforting, while at the same time, they sadden my heart. It holds memories I shared with a man I once loved.
It saddens me to know that I no longer love him.
No matter how bad things ever might have gotten, in my mind love was forever. Especially with children involved.
I do love as Jesus does. I love everyone in that way. Empathy is one of my God-given talents. But, I’m not in love with him. When I look at him there is no sadness or longing for what was or what might’ve been.
I pray he finds peace; for, when I look at him now I just see a shell of a man who on the outside tries to appear put together. But, on the inside he is empty and broken because he looks for love in all the wrong places
I now know that no matter who I was or tried to be, my love would have never been enough. I also know that the way he carried himself is not my fault.
I pray for him every day. I pray that he finds the love that is available to him through his Creator. That he truly feels how strong and powerful that is. Then, maybe, he can find love with in himself. Until that day, he can only outwardly appear to love, never truly feeling it in his heart.
I forgive you…
When Happiness isn't Your Default 