I posted this to help a fellow friend dealing with a narcissist in her life. I wanted to post…hoping it might help others as well. The below is a response to a question/situation shared privately. Hereford, I have only shared my response, not the question that it refers to …..
Sounds like my situation and I was in it for more than 17 years. He’s a narcissist. And even if he says there was never sex before…it’s more than likely not true. For so long I struggled with telling myself he would finally be happy with someone else. That ate at me so I just kept trying to change, be “better” But, You see, he’s not looking for someone else, he’s just looking for impulsive, spontaneous situations. It is excitement and him living his life not caring about anything except how he feels in the VERY moment he’s in. Not how he felt after he did it the last time, not how much it hurt when you found out and he saw the pain in your eyes and watched you weep with disbelieve and unbearable feelings of “why” His life is about him, when he comes back and says he’s sorry, takes you back in his arms and you feel as if he truly is sorry…know he is…in that moment, because him being sorry is what’s best for his game, not because he’s hurt about how he made you feel. He will most likely always cheat, no matter who he’s with. Because he’s looking for someone to love him “just right”. There’s a problem with his theory though… the love he is missing is the love he needs to have for himself. And, no one will ever be able to provide that to him. He has to do that on his own. However, as unfortunate as it is… He’ll probably never learn this.
Biggest thing… You have to know that it is not you. There’s nothing that you could do or say to change him, to make him want to be faithful. I’m betting you are an amazing individual with so much to offer in this world and he is totally holding back all that you could be. Don’t let him do that. Don’t give him that power. Trust me, I know how hard it is. But, with the right support, friends, family… You will make it through this.